If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
