I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
