Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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