So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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