i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
ttyl tear gas
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize