Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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