the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
