I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
not ubering you a puppy
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
