Sry I called you an 8
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
