Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
