I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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