My brain says no but my pants say off.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The power of my boobs compel you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
