The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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