There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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