I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize