i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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