apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
