Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
