I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
