Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
