Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
