I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
