i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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