my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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