Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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