in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
