Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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