My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
