Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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