I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
