Got a toothbrush?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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