when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
