Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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