meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
