No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
