yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
