You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
