How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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