i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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