Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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