At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
