I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
