dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
