Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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