3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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