Dual....:-)
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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