oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
