just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
