I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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