Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
