Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
