I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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