I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
