She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
