went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
