And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just had sex bonerless
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
