I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
