my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My vagina is officially offended.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
