i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
