hell yes lets make some ravioli
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
