and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
