Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
