jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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