Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
