I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
