people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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