alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
