They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
