I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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