first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
