That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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