Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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