I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
