dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
