This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
