just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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